“Between parents and children” is a beautiful book that they gave me on a trip. All parents love their children. You have to be very sick for it not to happen. Even so, it is precisely those parents, who love them so much, who mistreat and abuse them the most, according to statistics.
In a training on violence, I confirmed that the most dangerous place is the home, when it should be the opposite. The family should be the womb where we take refuge when everything goes wrong outside, the mattress where we lie in the fetal position, seeking solidarity and emotional support. Sadly, that is not the case. Many families, despite their good intentions, do not work.
The author of the book, Dr. Haim G. Ginott, repeats it again and again, in different ways: parental behavior has serious consequences on children, since it affects their self-esteem or self-love, for better or worse. Even parents we can call “good and loving” do terrible things like:
- -Reproach
- -Criticize
- -Judge
- -Ridicule
- -Label
- -Threaten
The vast majority of parents do not know that words make us sick, and they also heal us. They have no idea of its great power of destruction. Words, says the author, are like knives. Although they do not hurt physically, they do kill emotionally.
If we want to help our children, we must communicate with them affectionately, develop their self-confidence, discipline them without humiliating them, praise them without judging them, express anger without hurting them, recognize their feelings, perceptions and opinions, instead of discussing them; answer their questions to help them trust their inner reality and develop self-confidence.
Parents fail not because of a lack of affection, but because of a lack of understanding. They do not fail because they are not very intelligent, but because they have little knowledge. Being a father deserves studying, knowing. Many believe that with a good dose of love and common sense, anyone can be a good parent. Could not be farther from the truth.
If we really want to improve, we must take care of how we respond to our children: with language free of criticism and protecting feelings. This way we will achieve children who are supportive, committed, brave, fair, respectful of others and of themselves.
To achieve this, love, what we learned from our parents or intuition are not enough. We need to learn skills. Raising a child today is science. The excuse that children come without instructions is no longer credible. Parents must understand that they are doing the most important and difficult task in the world.
