In our show “Desiguales” on Univision, a man said that he preferred to date single women who were raising children. We found this strange, because most men avoid commitment, and especially getting involved with a woman with children. This would imply that they would also be responsible for the children and that their expenses could skyrocket.
However, the gentleman’s point was a good one. He said that women, whether single or divorced but with children, are more “responsible” and take better care of themselves, precisely because of the burden they must bear.
The show caused quite a stir because Adamari López, for example, said that it wasn’t true, that there were many single women taking care of their children, but they were crazy women who lived on the streets drinking, doing everything and going out with other men, without taking care of their children.
The truth is that generalizing is very difficult, because human beings are complicated and unique. To say that most people are one way or another, you first have to prove it in a very well-done study.
In short, I think that a woman with children is not necessarily perfect or good. My years in the office, seeing thousands of people, tell me that there are very responsible mothers, who take the care and future of their children very seriously. But I have also seen extremely irresponsible mothers, very bad at their role.
However, there is something I want to clarify. If you get into a relationship where many people have an opinion, everything will be more conflictual. For example, if you marry a man with children from a previous marriage (there are men and women who have children from two marriages), studies say that this marriage will fail quickly, because second marriages fail more quickly.
What is the reason? Because there are a lot of people who have an opinion and believe that they have the right to interfere. Former mothers-in-law, who are almost always very toxic, come to criticize “why do you treat my son’s son and you don’t treat yours like that? And you, you, you, you, you, you.”
Many people believe that the new couple should not interfere in how they raise their children. And that is not true. In other words, at the beginning, a man must win over his foster children, before he starts being a father and laying down the rules. And so there are many more things to learn from family therapy, so that a marriage formed by couples with children is not conflictive.
There is often jealousy between siblings, and people start talking about “yours,” “mine,” and “ours.” It’s a Pandora’s box. So, if you open it, my advice is to go to family therapy.
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