Lack of self-confidence manifests itself in many types of behaviors and habits, which can affect interpersonal relationships, career opportunities and even self-esteem. And low self-esteem, characterized by feelings of worthlessness, is often seen in people seeking therapy for depression, experts say.
Lack of trust can affect interpersonal relationships and even self-esteemPhoto: © Philip Dickson | Dreamstime.com
So, here are the common manifestations of lack of self-confidence and how you can fix them, for a better quality of life and healthier relationships with those around you.
1. Avoid eye contact
One of the visible manifestations of a lack of self-confidence is avoiding eye contact during conversations. When you’re interacting with another person and you’re constantly looking away or down, it can give the impression that you don’t feel confident in what you’re communicating.
Eye contact is a particularly important element in communication, because it shows that you are deeply involved in the dialogue and that you are paying attention to your interlocutor. It also reflects that you are comfortable with who you are and what you have to say. “From childhood, it is observed that girls can maintain eye contact for longer, while boys are more easily overwhelmed and have to look away,” she notes the psychologist Oana Tenea.
So the next time you’re in a conversation, try to maintain eye contact. This doesn’t mean staring at the person you’re talking to, but rather keeping your gaze steady, looking in other directions naturally from time to time.
2. You speak too fast or whisper
Talking too fast or in a low voice are two communication manifestations that can indicate a possible lack of self-confidence. When someone speaks quickly, it can give the impression that they are agitated or unsure of the content of their message.
A concrete example would be in the context of public communication, where a person may feel anxious and speak quickly, resulting in a speech that is too short for the allotted time, confusing and unsatisfying to the audience. It is therefore advisable to slow down the pace of speech, breathe deeply and speak in a natural way. This change can not only create an impression of self-confidence, but can also amplify the impact of the words spoken.
“Public speaking is one of the most common fears. But why is public speaking among our top 6 fears, along with poverty, disease, aging, death, and the fear of losing love? We fear public speaking because we don’t want to be criticized, judged, or rejected. To be accepted as you are, is a constant need of ours. For this reason, criticism, blame from others means rejection and non-acceptance”, says psychologist Meri Piȣigoi.
On the other hand, speaking in a low, shy or hesitant voice can also be interpreted as a lack of self-confidence. A restrained tone suggests that the speaker lacks confidence in their own words or is insecure about expressing their opinions.
3. You apologize too often
Constantly making excuses, even in the absence of an objective reason, can reveal a state of insecurity and lack of self-confidence from several perspectives. First, this behavior can induce the impression that the individual constantly perceives his own actions with an excessive dose of criticism, suggesting that he is prone to recurring mistakes. As a result, others may interpret this attitude as a manifestation of uncertainty and hesitancy to support one’s point of view.
In addition, it may indicate a constant need to seek approval and validation from others, giving the impression that he does not trust his own values and beliefs and believes that only external validation can give him legitimacy. Obviously it’s important to know and apologize, but only when you’ve made a mistake.
4. You don’t say your point of view
Choosing not to express your point of view gives the impression that you are insecure about your own beliefs and don’t trust the value of your opinions. When you firmly state your point of view, you are in a position of power, demonstrating that you have confidence in your own capacities for discernment and critical thinking.
We have all found ourselves in situations where we chose to remain silent, only to feel deep regret later. Refusal to voice your opinion can create the feeling that it is not valuable enough or that it does not deserve to be heard.
Therefore, when you feel you have something important to communicate, do not hesitate to do so. You may be afraid at first and notice that some will contradict you. However, remember that your voice is important and that your opinions are valid. Standing up for your point of view is a demonstration of confidence in yourself and your beliefs, both to yourself and to the world.
5. You become defensive
Do you tend to argue back and try to make excuses when someone disagrees? This defensive position denotes a lack of confidence in oneself. When you are insecure about yourself even constructive criticism can be perceived as an attack on the person.
It is important to learn to approach feedback with a more open attitude. When someone expresses disagreement, it’s important to try to understand their perspective before becoming defensive.
If the criticism is valid, it is advisable to acknowledge it. Otherwise, it’s appropriate to respectfully share your point of view. Confident people are not afraid of criticism, they see it as an opportunity for growth and learning.
6. You don’t know how to accept compliments
Many people feel embarrassed when they are complimented and don’t know how to react. A tendency to downplay or reject compliments can be a sign of a lack of self-confidence. It can be interpreted as telling others that their positive appreciation is wrong or that you don’t really deserve their praise.
“Accepting a compliment is sometimes a challenge. “Your dress is very beautiful!” is often followed by “This dress? It’s so old…” Compliments are often hard to accept because they reveal the ambivalence between the desire to be seen and the discomfort this brings. Self-criticism and self-confidence influence how we receive compliments. A beautiful word can make us experience an intense emotion that can cause an inappropriate reaction. For some, praise can trigger performance anxiety or be perceived as manipulation to get something in return. It is preferable in such situations for that compliment to be received with gentleness, humility and gratitude, saying only “thank you”, he advises the psychologist Andreea Enăchescu.
It is important to understand that accepting compliments with gratitude and self-confidence can have a significant positive impact on self-perception and relationships with others. So remember that accepting a compliment gracefully not only improves your self-confidence, but can also make your interactions with others more pleasant and harmonious.
7. You compare yourself to others all the time
We all sometimes compare ourselves to people who have a superior professional position, a nice car, or a seemingly perfect family. This can trigger a feeling of inferiority and insecurity.
Constantly comparing one’s own achievements to those of others leads us down a path of insecurity and low self-confidence. No matter how prosperous or happy others seem, it is essential to understand that each individual faces their own challenges and insecurities. These may not always be obvious to those around you.
Instead of constantly comparing ourselves to others, we should focus on our own progress. We must celebrate every victory, no matter how small it seems to us, and learn from our own failures.
8. Don’t go out of your comfort zone
People who trust themselves are not afraid to take risks, because they understand that failure is an inevitable part of life. In fact, he believes that it is wiser to try and fail than not to try at all.
In contrast, if you are in the category of those who choose to stay in their comfort zone and avoid any form of risk, you may give the impression that you do not trust yourself. Choosing a safe path may seem rational at first, but in practice, it can hinder both personal and professional development.
“It would be good to realize that life does not happen in the comfort zone. The belief that we can live a fulfilled life from the comfort zone is an illusion, a kind of Fata Morgana, generated by living today. The comfort zone is healthy and possible for a limited amount of time, but if we extend it too far, it leaves us unequipped for life. And it really deprives us of fulfillment and meaning”, he believes psychologist Andreea Petruș.
So, you shouldn’t shy away from taking risks. Whether you’re considering a bold career change, exploring a new hobby, or just speaking your mind in a meeting, remember that bold steps like these are often the ones that lead to evolution and growth.
9. You try to please everyone
It’s not necessarily a bad thing to be a “people pleaser”, i.e. a person who tries to please others, it can mean that you care about the feelings of those around you. But this behavior becomes a problem if you constantly strive to please others at the expense of your own needs and desires. And the problems in this chapter can be closely related to childhood experiences: “Critical parents, those who want to excessively control the child and make him submissive, or alcoholics, will have perfectionist children, people-pleasers”, warns psychologist Iulia Boat.
It’s almost like saying that your needs don’t matter as much, or that you’re afraid to truly express your desires. This attitude can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and frustration in the long run.
It’s important to remember that your feelings and needs are just as important as other people’s. And standing up for your own interests doesn’t mean you’re selfish or rude – it simply shows respect and self-love. It’s okay to say no sometimes, and it’s okay to put yourself before others. This does not mean that you love others less, it just means that you also give yourself the necessary attention and care – and this is a manifestation of true self-confidence.
10. You always question your decisions
People who trust them are distinguished by the ability to make quick decisions, relying on their own instincts and knowledge. It’s normal to have moments of doubt, but how we handle them is crucial. Confident people do not allow doubt to dictate their course of action or decision. Instead, they remember their past successes and competencies, which strengthens their confidence in their own actions.
On the other hand, living with constant doubt can significantly affect performance. When they question their own abilities, individuals tend to make more mistakes and take a less creative approach to problem solving.
In this context, it is crucial to recognize and value our personal worth and to have confidence in our capabilities. Even if sometimes we make decisions that turn out to be wrong, they are part of the natural process of learning and personal development, contributing to maturation and obtaining clearer perspectives on the world and on one’s own person.
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