The last Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report (PDF) revealed that teenage girls are experiencing record levels of sadness. Fifty-seven percent of girls said they constantly felt sad or hopeless. That’s a 60% increase over the last decade.
The report calls for an immediate investment in school mental health resources to give teens the support they need. But the school is not the only place where the intervention can take place. Mental health is a crucial part of overall health and should be regularly discussed in every home.
We know it’s not always easy to talk about emotional or mental well-being. You can start by using these five tips to discuss how your child is feeling.
Why should you talk to your children about how they feel?
Coping mechanisms and emotional regulation do not develop overnight. Childhood and adolescence are crucial stages where children build their coping mechanisms and resilience. Sometimes challenges arise that children will struggle to deal with, such as a pandemic that has changed one of the biggest parts of their lives: school. According to a study by CS Mott Children’s Hospital, 46% of parents said they noticed new or worsening mental health issues in their children since the start of the pandemic.
“We know that during the pandemic there has been an increase in depression and anxiety in adults and children, an increase in emergency room visits and an increase in suicidal tendencies in adolescents and children,” explains Dr. Gabrielle Shapiro, chair of the American Psychiatric Association’s Council on Children, Adolescents and Their Families. “This crisis creates an opportunity for parents to talk to their children about mental health so we can erase the stigma and normalize mental illness as being just like physical illness.”
While not just an isolated concern during a pandemic, many mental disorders like anxiety disorders, depression, or other mood disorders begin in childhood. According to the CDC, about 5.8 million children aged 3 to 17 live with anxiety, 2.7 million suffer from depression and 8.9% have behavioral problems.
When is the best time to start talking?
The million dollar question: When should I be concerned about my child’s mental health? Admittedly, the answer is a little complicated because your child’s situation is unique. There is no single answer to this question.
“Mental health issues were already the leading cause of disability and poor life outcomes among young people, with up to one in five young people aged 3 to 17 in the United States with a mental, emotional, developmental, or behavioral disorder,” says Tramaine EL-Amin, Customer Experience Manager at Mental Health First Aid. “Today, nearly 10% of young people under 25 suffer from major depression and 75% receive no mental health treatment. And the impact is tragic. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people aged 10 to 24. “
Mental health disorders affect all ages in different ways. For this reason, it is never too early to introduce topics in an age-appropriate way.
If your child exhibits any of these symptomsthen it’s time to talk:
- Withdrawing from social situations or actively avoiding them.
- Focus on fears and worries.
- Extreme irritability or uncontrollable behavior.
- Significant changes in mood or personality.
- Changes in their grades or ability to concentrate.
- Behavioral regression – wetting the bed or sucking his thumb.
- Frequent stomach aches or headaches.
- Destructive or self-destructive behaviors.
“Start the conversation early and frequently,” suggests Alvord. You want to observe their behavior and react accordingly, developing a plan of action to deal with the situation. As your child grows, conversations become more complex as their needs and understandings change.
5 tips for talking to children about mental health
We’ve established that it’s best to talk to your kids about mental health topics early and as often as you want. But that’s often easier said than done. If you’re not sure where to start, you can use these tips to have a healthy conversation with your child.
1. Use direct communication
These are not easy conversations to have, especially when you are concerned about your child’s safety. You will need to show immense self-control and tact.
“It’s important to know that showing you’re concerned about their behavior won’t make it worse; it will help recognize what they thought and felt, which will make you both more connected. Your role is not to diagnose your child; Keep your message simple: you have noticed behaviors that concern you. You want to support them,” says Jennifer Rothman, Senior Director of Youth and Young Adult Initiatives at National Alliance on Mental Illness.
Using a simple, calm communication style is essential when discussing mental health topics. Rothman also mentioned that it’s important to make sure the language and details you cover are appropriate for your child’s age and developmental stage.
You can expect to listen more than talk. You want avoid envy compare your experiences at that age to theirs. And always allow silence during the conversation and listen.
2. Give examples and help them identify how they feel
Giving your children the vocabulary to identify what they are feeling is crucial. And it can start with hardback books for toddlers. There is many books on the market that cover topics such as feelings, anxiety and self-esteem. According to Alvord, you want to help your child see the connection between their emotions, thoughts, and feelings. Books are a great starting point.
Another way to set an example for your child is to talk about situations and how they made you feel. You want to model positive behaviors and show that it’s okay to share your feelings. “You want to get the big message across that mental well-being is as important as physical well-being. You really can’t have one without the other,” says Marie Karapetian Alvordclinical member of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America and co-author of Overcoming Negative Thinking for Teens.
You can do this at the table, during their bedtime routine, or anytime for your family. The goal is to make it part of a normal conversation, so they always feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with you.
3. Listen to their feelings and reassure them
During conversations with your child, you want to make sure they are comfortable and ready to share.
“Find a comfortable place to talk with your child and keep the discussion direct, honest and developmentally appropriate. Parents can reassure their children and teens that it is okay to talk about their feelings and emotions and to ask questions.” Shapiro said.
You should also pay close attention to how they react to the conversation. If they are confused or upset, you can slow down the conversation. Let them ask you questions or pause and resume the conversation another time. The last thing you want to do is accidentally invalidate any feeling. You want them to know that you hear their feelings and understand them.
According to EL-Amin, many parents worry that talking about these topics will make their children feel alienated. However, listening to their feelings and letting them know that mental health issues are common will likely provide relief.
4. Ask questions and answer them
Asking your child questions is the easiest way to spark conversation about mental health. Remember that you want to keep them simple.
Practice questions you can ask questions about children’s mental health from Rotman:
- Ho are you doing?
- Tell me more about what’s going on. Maybe if I understand better, we can find a solution together.
- Sometimes you need to talk about your feelings. I am here to listen. What would you like to talk about?
You should also be prepared to answer any questions they ask you. Especially with young children, they will have questions – probably quite a few. They might have questions about how they are feeling or about potential treatment options. Reassure them and answer any questions you can. Remember that no one expects you to have all the answers. It’s okay to say you don’t know the answer. You can find it for them or ask someone who can.
5. Know when to ask for help
There are times when you will need extra support to deal with certain situations. Teenagers will probably be share less, says Alvord. So if your child doesn’t want to talk to you, make sure you have counselors or doctors to turn to. Things can escalate to the point where you need extra help. If your child’s behavior lasts for weeks or prevents him from functioning, seeking outside help is a good idea.
Start now
You don’t have to wait until there’s a problem to start the conversation about mental health with your kids. It’s a good idea to start checking regularly early in life and keep doing it. This way, mental health doesn’t have to be a mountain to climb for help; they will feel more comfortable coming to you.
It doesn’t have to be formal. You can ask questions to gauge their feelings. The more you talk, the more less stigma there East. You want to talk often, be open, and support whatever their needs are.
