It is exactly one year since Belinda Jakobsen (36) and her husband Iancu went on holiday to Spain and decided not to return to Norway.
On the surface, there was little to suggest that there was anything special about it, other than adventure. They bought a house in Altea on the Costa Blanca and the popular lifestyle influencer’s 109,000 followers received updates on house renovations and beautiful posts of people, gardens, interiors.
THE JUMP FROM LIFE AT HOME: It began as a two-week holiday trip to Spain in January 2022. In March, however, Belinda could tell followers that she and her husband had seized the opportunity to move work and home to Spain. Photo: @belindajakobsen/Instagram
Jakobsen said that she wanted to “give herself a year as a gift”. She has since revealed that she actually entered that year lacking energy, with poor self-esteem and full of anxiety.
– Very embarrassing
Before Christmas, she told some of the reasons for this during an interview in VG.
– It was very difficult to do that interview and it is incredibly difficult for me to talk about it now. It’s still very, very embarrassing and I’m ashamed, Jakobsen tells Good Morning Norway.
Nevertheless, she has decided to speak openly about the alcohol problems that got out of control – because she knows she is not alone. She has noticed that in the hundreds of responses she has received from her followers.
– It is strange that it should be so shameful. We are exposed to alcohol in so many settings, but once we struggle with it, we don’t talk about it and that’s a great shame, she says thoughtfully.
Hard to witness the death of his father
The shame felt extra great because in a short time she had gotten everything she had dreamed of, at the same time she was struggling a lot with a darkness beneath the surface.
– In 2017, I went through a great deal of grief. I had just lost my father to cancer and it was barbaric to witness.
At the time, she was actually a student in California, but had moved home to Norway for a period. It was at this time that she met her husband Iancu, who asked her to stay to focus on the relationship and on a business partnership.
– He came like a knight on a white horse and hijacked me, and suddenly, before I knew it, I was a cohabitant, bonus mother and business owner. At the same time, I was carrying this void. I have thought a lot about what caused it, whether it was the grief over my father, the big change in life or the dark times in Norway, she says.
Started drinking during taco night
Whatever the reason, she had no words to describe it.
– There was a lot of thinking and anxiety. I couldn’t be fully present and a lot of my life passed me by because I couldn’t just be.
It was on a perfectly forgivable evening that the drinking started.
– I almost don’t know if I dare to say it, because it was a completely normal Friday after taco night with the kids, she says and continues:
– I had a lot of thoughts and this void that weighed heavily on me. And then I had a very bad conscience towards the family because I couldn’t be more fun, present, funny and laugh at the jokes. I didn’t think the jokes were funny and I didn’t quite get why this was a nice setting.
That’s when she spots the whiskey bottle in the kitchen.
– I’ve heard of people using it as a tool, so I thought: “What if I just take a couple of sips and see what happens?”
Back at the table, both courage and spirits had picked up considerably.
– It’s terrible to admit it, because no one should use alcohol as a tool, but then I noticed that it put a small lid on the void. Then I could go back and think: “Now you were actually a bit funny, this was fun”.
The weekend that started on a Tuesday
It was the start of a drinking pattern that would extend over several years.
WORKING WITH THE SHAME: Belinda still thinks it’s very embarrassing to talk about her problems with alcohol. Photo: @belindajakobsen/Instagram
– At times I told myself that it was “only at weekends”. Sometimes the weekend started on a Wednesday, sometimes on a Tuesday, sometimes on a Friday. A bit like when you try to cut sugar and you think: “Shit, I had a blast, I’ll start again on Monday!”. I had to constantly sharpen myself – later, she admits.
She never had to go out to buy the alcohol, it was always available in the house. As business owners, they often received gifts of alcohol from customers who wanted to thank them for a job well done, and as hosts of social activities, there was often a lot of alcohol left after the guests had left.
She always made sure to drink in moderation and never get drunk in front of people.
– I didn’t want anyone to see it, because then they would ask questions, and then I would have had to answer that I was in pain. And I was so ashamed to say that I was in pain, because I had a great life.
– I lived in Norway with the world’s finest husband and the world’s finest bonus child, and had got a dog, the job started to work. How can you say you are in pain when you live such a nice life? I didn’t even have the vocabulary to explain my own pain, she says.
“Cooked” the husband
She constantly found creative solutions to get drunk in secret.
– I had big problems falling asleep at night, but my husband has no thoughts and worries, so when we go to bed at night he can just close his eyes and fall asleep. So what I did sometimes was ask him: “Shall we watch Family Guy?”, because then I knew he would fall asleep like that, she says, snapping her fingers.
Because she was afraid that the man might wake up and get up, she poured the liquor into a cup and drank.
– I was a little afraid that he would see this because then I would have to explain, something I had no words for. So then I poured it into a teacup “just in case”. That I didn’t realize I had a serious problem, she says thoughtfully.
Busted
The turning point came one night when the man woke up and caught her with vodka hidden in a teacup.
– He came out and saw me sitting there and asked: “What are you doing?”. I replied that I could not sleep and that I only drank some tea. When he asked if he could have a taste of my tea, it just shattered inside, she says.
The next day they emptied the house of alcohol, but that wasn’t the end of it.
HUGE SUPPORT: Belinda says that her husband’s support, patience and understanding have been invaluable in getting out of the vicious circle. Photo: @belindajakobsen/Instagram
– For a long time I tried to tell my family and friends that I have an unhealthy relationship with how I drink alcohol. I don’t drink alcohol in merry parties. In cheerful layers I drink Pepsi Max. If I’m in a bad mood, I drink alcohol in secret. But because no one had seen me do it, perhaps not many people took it seriously.
During the year in Spain, Jakobsen found time and space to focus on getting out of the vicious circle and to see how much she could change in her life by devoting more time to “head, body and soul”, as she writes on Instagram.
Uncertain about the future
She is currently working on the book “Better in life. What do you want and how will you get there?”, which she has written together with life coping coach Isabelle Engelhart Corneliussen. There she shares some of the tools that have helped her out of her alcohol problems.
– I have learned great tools to deal with the void I was struggling with. I had to step into that void and allow myself to see what lay there. There was an unprocessed grief for my father and there was an identity crisis that was about “where am I, why do I feel what I feel?”.
Although the problems are now under control, she is still unsure of how her relationship with alcohol will be in the future.
– Right now I, along with hundreds of my followers, am in a white month. After this white month, I will go deep into myself and be sure that I will never again use alcohol as a tool for mental health. That chapter in my life is one hundred percent over because now I know better.
– I have a better vocabulary, I understand why I drank and I understand what to do to avoid ending up there again. So how my relationship with alcohol will be in the future, I’m not entirely sure, but I know that the chapter I’ve been through is completely over, she asserts.
Got an overwhelming response
After opening up about the problems for the first time, she felt a tremendous anxiety about having shared something so shameful and taboo.
– After that VG article, I hid for two days. I didn’t touch the phone and I was terrified.
When she finally plucked up the courage to open the phone, the response was overwhelming.
– There were hundreds of messages from people who are in the same situation as me and who are using the wrong tools to handle a void. It was exclusively positive.
– We have to normalize the things we spend so much effort hiding. When we open up, we see that we have more in common than we think, she concludes.
