Meal.
The first time in daycare is often a challenge for children and parents. A teacher gives tips for a relaxed acclimatization.
Got a daycare place – and then what? Settling into the day care center is imminent. The first few weeks in the new environment are not only exciting and exhausting for the children, the parents often have to get used to the new situation too.
Anja Heck knows that too. She is the deputy head of the Sweden home day care center on Hildesheimer Strasse in Essen. Anja Heck has been a teacher for over twenty years and has three children of her own. She has been through countless daycare adjustments and shared ten tips with us on how children – and their parents – can get through this exciting time as relaxed as possible:
1. Farewell is a matter of practice
Children who have often been alone to visit grandma and grandpa, other relatives or friends also find it easier to say goodbye to their parents in daycare. These children know from experience: Mom and Dad will come back. “It doesn’t have to be a whole day without the parents, even short periods of time help to practice saying goodbye to mom or dad,” says Anja Heck. A short shopping spree without the child, a visit to the doctor or a short walk alone – all good opportunities for parents to show their child before they start the day care center: We will go away for a short time, but we will always pick you up! Incidentally, mum and dad can also get used to the idea of giving their treasure into “strange” hands.
2. Time pressure doesn’t work at all
For some children, settling in at the day-care center works very quickly and without any problems. Other children take longer to feel comfortable in the new environment and to build trust in a new caregiver. Anja Heck therefore recommends: “If possible, parents should ensure that there is no time pressure when settling into daycare.” Even if this is often not easy from an organizational point of view. But: “If the parents are stressed, then the children feel it immediately,” the expert points out. The unrest of the parents is passed on and often makes a relaxed atmosphere during settling in impossible.
3. Build trust
It’s not just the children who have to get used to their new caregivers during the settling-in period. Parents also have to first build up trust in the educators who will look after their child in the future. The time when mum or dad still come to the day care center offers a good opportunity for this. “Get to know the people you entrust your child to,” says Anja Heck. If the parents trust the educators and can leave with a good feeling, then the children will feel it too – and they will prefer to stay in their new environment.
4. Introduce new rituals – and if necessary, abandon old ones
Children love rituals. Always the same lullaby, three kisses goodbye, another wave at the window… These “little things” are of great importance for children, give them support and can make it easier to say goodbye to their parents and to settle in at daycare. “That’s why we educators try to include the children’s rituals in day-to-day life at the day-care center,” Anja Heck assures us. But she also points out: “Some rituals that parents have developed at home with their children are difficult to implement in daycare.” For example, if a child only falls asleep when it is being carried or breastfed, parents should work on replacing such rituals with others before they get used to it in the daycare center and work with the child to develop alternatives that can also be used in the new environment implement.
5. A familiar object to hold on to helps
New people, a new environment – in the first days and weeks in daycare everything is strange at first! Many children find it helpful to bring a familiar object from home to their new environment. “It can be a cuddly toy, a favorite toy or the slippers that are always worn at home,” says Anja Heck. “Whatever gives your child support, helps.” Because a familiar thing not only offers the opportunity to hold on to something, it is also a tangible connection to home, to mom and dad.
6. Have self-confidence
The start of daycare is not only a big step for the children. Many parents find it difficult to let go. It is unusual to suddenly “give in” one’s own child, to no longer experience every step, to no longer know how every bump came about. When grandparents, acquaintances – and occasionally complete strangers – ask in horror: “What, THAT early in the daycare?”, then many parents are unsettled. Anja Heck recommends: “Be confident in your decision! You know your child best.” And the teacher recommends that critical grandparents should also be invited to the day-care center! “Many are much more positive after a visit. At the latest when they see the developmental steps their grandchild suddenly makes in a short time.”
7. Pay attention to the child’s signals
Parents often don’t really know how to behave when accompanying their child to daycare for the first few days. play along? Stay in the background and let the educators do their thing? Some parents also find it difficult to let go when their little darling suddenly starts running without looking back. “There are no general rules as to how parents should behave during settling in,” says Anja Heck. “Just look at how your child is behaving. Pay attention to the signals he’s sending you.” Does the child go exploring on their own? Then the parents can sit back and relax and don’t have to run after them. Does the offspring only want to sit on mom or dad’s lap for the first few days? Also ok. Each child has their own pace. And for many, curiosity about the new environment wins after a short time. “If you, as a parent, are not sure how you should behave in a certain situation, then just ask!”, Anja Heck also recommends. “Educators are professionals when it comes to settling in and usually have good advice.”
8. At some point, really going
Leaving a crying child behind and perhaps waving happily at the same time is probably not easy for any mother or father. Nevertheless: “When the time comes, then really go!” advises Anja Heck. Long goodbyes help neither the parents nor the child. “We educators are usually very good at assessing whether a child is ready to say goodbye and whether we can calm it down,” says Anja Heck. “Trust us!”
9. No news is good news
During the settling-in period, the parents should be available at all times and be able to come immediately if the child is unable to calm down without mom and dad. At the same time, the thought of being available can also help parents to get through the first few days without their sweetheart. “You can be sure that if necessary, your day care center will call you!” says Anja Heck. Conversely, this means that no news is good news!
10. Always say goodbye
The temptation to simply sneak away when the child is playing peacefully is great. Still, parents should always say goodbye, even if they’re just going next door for a coffee. This reliability is important for the child, even if there may be tears when saying goodbye. You can also make arrangements with older children: “Now I’m going and after your afternoon nap I’ll be back.” But it is important to note: “If you make a pick-up time, then you have to stick to it,” says Anja Heck. “Be sure to be on time! Children are otherwise very resentful!”
This text was first published in August 2018.
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