Divorce is considered the second cause of great stress in the individual. The first is the death of a close family member, which is also a very difficult situation of grief and loss. But what worries us the most is the management that is given to this process in relation to the children.
Studies indicate that although children are more likely to have emotional problems, if divorce is handled well, it should not cause serious problems. But what is a mishandled divorce? What is a good divorce?
To have a good divorce, almost the same thing is required as for a good marriage:
- Good communication
- Consideration
- respect for the other
- Loyalty
- Fidelity
This poses a serious problem: most people who get divorced have a bad handle on the process. They put the children in, ask if they are getting divorced or not, form factions, speak ill of the other’s child and see it sporadically (once the divorce has taken place), among other worse things. How can we do better?
- Respecting the image of the other, of the one who leaves. And vice versa. In other words, do not speak ill of the other, nor allow other people to do so (at least in front of you).
- Say and show the child that they will be loved the same and that it had nothing to do with the divorce.
- Do not bring him into the problem in any way (even if he is a teenager). Marriage and divorce are for adults only.
You have to maintain as cordial and adult a relationship as possible with your ex and communicate effectively. It seems very difficult, right? That’s easy when compared to the consequences of doing the opposite. But it’s hard to act adult and even-tempered, in the midst of great pain and emotional chaos. Hence, the authors agree that, as far as possible, “we must prevent divorce.”
Still, a troubled—and constantly quarreling—couple is just as damaging to their children as a bad divorce. Complicated, right? As complex and complicated as the human being and his relationships. But not impossible. If you can’t do it alone, that’s what therapists are for!
