I am excited to know that there are more and more men willing to grow. To do so, they must overcome a series of silly and meaningless myths in this age of the Internet and globalization. Walter Riso, in his book “Male Intimacies”, says the following about this:
“Although male power has been transferred from the troglodyte’s club to the executive briefcase, physical strength is still an important requirement of masculinity for many men and women. This belief can lead to a disorder in young men that is the opposite of female anorexia, but just as serious, instead of Twiggy, Charles Atlas. Many adolescent men show serious problems of self-esteem and self-image because they perceive themselves as weak, too thin or far from the traditional ‘stocky’ pattern: ‘I would like to have more back’, ‘I would like to be thicker’… The syllogism is clear, although false: ‘A real man must be strong, strength is in the muscles. I am not physically developed enough, therefore I am not a man and I am not attractive.’”
This drives them to the gym and to steroids, even though they are harmful to their health. Women have a certain responsibility. When we swoon over a muscular body, we still value the masculine strength that we criticise so much. Also strong and defined arms, a Spartacus-like back, being brave, self-assured, determined, authoritarian and dominant…
Until we get married, and these “qualities” become unbearable. We do not fully understand that asking this of men is a way of subjecting them to inhuman, harsh, cold and distant socialization and upbringing. To please society, their families and women, men suffer and get used to behaving inappropriately, they become emotionally illiterate. And although things have been improving, male weakness is still viewed with a certain contempt by society. A man is expected to resist pain, both physical and psychological, to be brave and strong; but at the same time we want him to be tender, understanding and loving.
It is important to note that, in a couple, these masculine “qualities” are disastrous. The relationship is based on intimacy. To achieve it, we must become vulnerable, get naked inside and out, show our emotions and communicate them, be tolerant and understanding, respect the other’s worldview, learn to share power.
With what we teach our men, do we prepare them for that? I don’t think so. For all that has been said, physical strength is not needed, quite the opposite. Firmness and honesty have nothing to do with authoritarianism, among many other things.
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