ESC 2023: Why are we still doing THIS to ourselves?

If you want to see Germany at the top, you have to turn the table. That’s the simple rule ESC.

Since Lena Meyer-Landrut’s (31) victory in 2010 with “Satellite”, we’ve mostly just been clapping. Germany finished last four times, and we came second to last three times. It doesn’t matter whether we appeared cuddly and reserved like with Malik Harris (25) or, like now with Lord of the Lost, rocking with self-confidence.

There is widespread resignation on the Internet. ESC watchers tap their fingers sorely and don’t understand why we’re still doing THIS to each other.

“Germany could send Paul McCartney into the race and would still end up in the bottom places at ESC 2023,” writes a user on Twitter. Another agrees: “Germany could resuscitate Michael Jackson, exhume Elvis and crossbreed with the rest of the Beatles. It would still be #zero #points in #Eurovision.”

Hardly anyone understands why. Even “Harry Potter” author JK Rowling (57) was surprised during the scoring. Because she actually thought our contribution was great, saw Lord of the Lost far ahead. And tweeted completely confused: “Something went wrong. Germany hasn’t scored any points yet.”

In the end, the jury got a total of three points, and 15 came from the audience. That didn’t change anything in last place.

Gottschalk stinks

Show titan Thomas Gottschalk (72) finds VERY clear words on Instagram. “With all love, but we are now being fooled by the rest of Europe when it comes to the rating at the ESC. They just don’t like us.”

And further: “They sawed off the soft Malik just as much as the rocking Lord of the Lost. They were too nice too. If it’s Heavy Metal, then it has to rattle. There’s no use waving the rainbow flag either.”

So why are we still doing this? Gottschalk demands: “After all these bankruptcies, ARD simply has to turn off the money supply. No gold, no glitter!”

Supposedly the German participation is not that expensive. According to the official Eurovision website, ARD pays around 400,000 euros for the starting place.

Because the reach in Germany is the largest, our fee contribution is also the highest, according to the official justification. The ARD considers the amount to be “manageable”. It is “significantly below the average production costs of entertainment shows in the main evening”.

In view of the almost 7.5 million ESC viewers again, i.e. as much as an average and significantly more expensive crime scene, interest seems to remain high.

Perhaps the ARD will simply broadcast the ESC in the future and not have a German participant. We just seem to be a nuisance.

In any case, the Norddeutscher Rundfunk wants to investigate the causes after the renewed bankruptcy. “We started with an extraordinary act that didn’t get the result we wanted at all. That’s very, very disappointing and sobering,” said the head of the ARD team for the contest at NDR, Andreas Gerling.

Another reform of selection process should change little. Everything has already been tried. Sometimes alleged experts determined the participants, then the spectators, finally a mixture of jury and spectators. It has never been of any use.

Or do we send a big star? The truth is: apart from the Scorpions, Rammstein and, to a lesser extent, Scooter and (of all things) Dieter Bohlen (69) with Modern Talking songs, there is almost no one who inspires the masses abroad.

Schlager queen Helene Fischer (38), rappers like Bonez MC (37) or Capital Bra (28) or cult rocker Udo Lindenberg (76) fill the largest halls in German-speaking countries. But only there.

The bitter truth is: We may still be the land of poets and thinkers. The land of musicians were like never before.

So there is only revenge, as a Twitter user recommends: “Next year we will send Michael Wendler. Europe really deserves it!”