Mina Tander has been in love for 20 years – Why the movie star would forgive an affair

This series is the German answer to the Hollywood streaming hit “Big Little Lies, starring Reese Witherspoon and Nicole Kidman. Instead of in California, the helicopter parents are circling in the ZDF series “Neuland” (December 27th + 28th, 10:15 p.m.) but in an elite Hamburg suburb around her children.

It’s about a missing mother, violence at an elite elementary school, an abuse scandal and affairs. The Berlin actress Mina Tander (44) plays a seemingly perfect mother and wife in “Neuland”, who is doomed by the “MeToo” past of her actor husband.

Fortunately, this has little to do with Tander’s private life. Because the mother of two (daughter 11, son almost 4) has been happy with director Elmar Fischer (54) for 20 years. BILD am SONNTAG met her for an interview.

Does Tander himself know ego games and intrigues among mothers? “Of course I know these constant comparisons from other mothers: ‘Oh really? You do it like this?’ Then I switch to draft. I think comparisons with other mothers are poison,” says Mina Tander. But she herself was never “part of catfights among mothers”.

Her role Sarah is a committed parents’ representative. Privately, Tander does not hold any office at school, but is present. Tander: “I’m definitely not a helicopter mother who gets involved in everything, but I have a close exchange with my children, I’m close.” Rather, she is “a funny and begging” mom.

Her actor husband’s “Me Too” past comes to light in the drama series. Both Tander and her husband, director Elmar Fischer (54), work in the show industry, where there have always been allegations of abuse. Has she ever experienced sexual harassment herself?

Tander to BILD am SONNTAG: “The way it is in ‘Neuland’, a young actress gets involved with a successful colleague in order to get roles, no, I’ve never gotten involved with something like that. Of course I know that something like this also exists in my industry.”

And further: “Fortunately, I was always able to pull myself out of inappropriate teasing and funny or unpleasant sayings. I’ve seen people step out of the zone of what’s appropriate. Luckily it was never physical, only verbal.”

Does it maybe also matter that she’s been taken for so long? “It definitely plays a role. Which is awesome because it sounds like we’re in the Middle Ages.”

In March she and her husband will be together for 20 years and have been married for 11 years. “I’m already very clear and I’m good at setting boundaries. But maybe I was just lucky. What I’m saying is that of course no woman is doing anything wrong when something like this happens,” says Tander.

She is often asked by friends about the secret of her long-standing love. “Because we really are a happy couple. It’s not like we get along just because of the kids!” Tander says with a laugh. “On the contrary. We think it’s great to spend time together. Of course, not everything is always peace, joy and pancakes with us,” explains the native of Cologne.

“For me, love is also a choice. I think deciding on someone and not constantly looking left and right plays a big role.” Her husband Elmar and she have a “similar idea” of how relationships work.

“There are couples who want to be together 24 hours a day. Then there are couples who are okay with cheating. We’re not one of those two couples,” said the half-Afghan woman.

“Neuland” is also about infidelity and affairs in suburban perfection. Could she forgive an affair? Mina Tander to BILD am SONNTAG: “I haven’t been in a position to have to do that yet. But I don’t think I would just throw away 20 years of love for an affair.”

This article comes from BILD am SONNTAG. The ePaper of the entire issue is available here.