Berlin.
Anyone who only concentrates on their own flaws becomes dissatisfied and ill. How to control perfectionism and when to use it.
We all have to face new challenges every day, be it at work, in sports or in family life. Things don’t always go according to our ideas. Failure is as much a part of life as success and high moments. But while the one at failures If you don’t let yourself be thrown off track immediately and look further ahead, others will judge themselves more strongly and as a consequence their own Goals just higher next time. But why is it like that?
“Perfectionism is a personality trait that is more pronounced in some and less pronounced in others,” says Nathalie Claus from the Chair of Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy at the Ludwig Maximilian University in Munich. “It can be activated in certain situations and is particularly noticeable in comparison or test situations – especially when certain Expectations be communicated from the outside.”
The character trait is by no means necessarily negative: “The pursuit of excellence does not have to be a problem and, on the contrary, can even be beneficial and a incentive To make an effort to achieve one’s own goals,” says Claus. Wanting to do things well first motivates us to act. The desire to perform well is something that, evolutionarily speaking, lies in our human nature.
Learn to deal with failure
People who place high demands on themselves usually don’t know any different. The pursuit of perfection Some learn this early on in their childhood: “There are many families in which high performance and good school grades are very important,” says Christine Altstötter-Gleich, lecturer at the University of Koblenz-Landau. However, the mere high performance demands of parents or teachers are not the sole reason for the emergence of perfectionist behavior. The decisive factor is how educators and teachers react to failures.
“Even in situations in which it cannot meet the requirements, a child must continue to feel that it is still being supported and valued,” says Altstötter-Gleich. So it is possible for the child to deal with it properly Fail to deal with If, on the other hand, the child’s school or sporting achievements are linked to praise and the attention of the parents, a dysfunctional perfectionism can arise, which is problematic.
The fear of not meeting your own expectations
Because perfectionism is very strong with that self worth Claus explains that people with self-doubt and insecurities are particularly susceptible to striving for perfect performance. “Anyone who is good at dealing with their own performance requirements usually has other things besides the good performance that they like about themselves.” According to the expert, people who do not make their self-esteem dependent solely on their achievements are more immune to failure because they do not relate a defeat to their own worth and abilities.
Perfectionists suffer from severe self-deprecation in situations of failure. According to the perfectionism expert Altstötter-Gleich, if the distinction between self-esteem and one’s own performance is not successful, this negative self-criticism can lead to serious psychological problems such as depression, eating disorders or social anxiety. “Anyone who no longer enjoys things because of their own performance requirements, often guilt or avoids social situations, no longer has a healthy way of dealing with his own achievements,” says the psychologist.
Away from black and white thinking
At first glance, perfectionists are often colleagues who are welcome in the office because of their good performance and high standards, but this dysfunctional one leads the way perfectionism in everyday work and private life, these people often put off important tasks for a long time and procrastinate until the last moment.
According to the experts, the pursuit of perfection is so problematic because those affected black and white thinking “Frequently, these perfectionists then think ‘all or nothing’. They either have to do something completely perfectly or they have failed,” says Nathalie Claus.
Perfectionists pull out of their failure clear conclusions: “The goals are set much higher afterwards. This can then lead to the fact that one devotes more time to individual tasks than they actually need and therefore can no longer keep up or one has to forego nice activities,” said the Munich team Psychologist.
Admit your own weaknesses
Becoming clear about your own weaknesses and learning to deal with them is an important first step in developing yourself unhealthy perfectionism to bypass. “We transport all sorts of beliefs from our parents’ home with us that we don’t even check anymore,” says lecturer Altstötter-Gleich. She therefore advises starting with your own behavior in performance situations and critically questioning yourself and your self-perception.
Working on your own perfectionist errors in reasoning and catastrophizing thoughts can help: “If I notice that I’m withdrawing more and more in social situations, maybe I’m burned out feel or have depressive feelings, it is necessary to get professional help,” she says. Altstötter-Gleich emphasizes in all of this: “The problem with perfectionism does not lie in the attempt to be good and to show the best possible performance, but in especially when dealing with failure in a non-constructive way. Mistakes can happen and you can learn from them.”
Tips for more serenity in everyday life
In order to prevent perfectionism, one should promote areas of life that have nothing to do with performance, choose leisure activities that without competitive pressure get by In addition, a mental cost-benefit analysis often helps: How much will I really get if I put my heart and soul into it, and is it worth the effort?
If something didn’t go as planned, it’s important to shift the focus and not dwell on it for too long failures hang up, but rather to think briefly about what you would like to do differently next time and specifically pay attention to what you did well.
With self-deprecating thoughts and a lot of brooding, a change of perspective help: What would you say to a loved one in the same situation? How strict would you be with friends and how strict would you be with yourself?
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