You should avoid this on Valentine’s Day – whether you are single or married

Valentine’s Day is here, whether you’ve been looking forward to it, dreading it or giving a damn.

On this occasion, we challenge cohabitation therapist Trine Huseby to give her best tips on what you should think about and what you should avoid.

You will get two scenarios from me today:

1. I’m 22 years old and going to meet a tinder date for the first time on Valentine’s Day. What do you recommend, and what should I be aware of?

2. I’ve been married for twenty years and Valentine’s Day is just starting to get a little boring. Can you help me spritz it back up?

– I accept the challenge, and I will try to be as specific as possible, says Huseby.

First of all, there is a tip Huseby will give, regardless of whether you are single and looking for a girlfriend, or happily married.

– Think strategically. What do I want to achieve, what should I avoid, and what should I ensure, so that there is the greatest possibility of success, says Huseby.

Three good tips, and three things you should avoid

First up, is the 22-year-old. Here are Huseby’s best tips:

• Come up with something that you think is cool with the person you meet, not just something that you think is funny. Try to think about what the other person wants. See that your date is doing well, rather than constantly showing why you’re so interesting.
• Feel free to vary what kind of arena you are in during the date. Do something that is fun and enjoyable for both of you and get moving. Then you get the opportunity to change the mood a little.
• Give in while the game is good, and rather hope for a second date. Many people keep the date going for far too long, and can thus risk pushing forward a freeze. Rather, imagine that the person you meet will be left wanting more, when you go your separate ways.

– One of the first things you look for is probably that the other person has taken a little care in terms of how they look. Girls probably also look a bit for gentlemanly facts. I would like to highlight these pieces of advice:

… And this should be avoided, according to Huseby:

• Don’t do anything too serious. It is better to do an activity than to sit for hours and talk to each other.
• Don’t let it be too fast a road to a lie, or that the expectations about it come out very clearly. It is not unusual for one party to want it more than the other, but it can ruin the date.
• Do not get excessively drunk (unless the other one also becomes one, then it can be eel-ridden).

– And skip the cinema, by the way, says Huseby.

Three good tips, and three things you should avoid.

Then it was an incumbent’s turn. How to make Valentine’s Day a success, twenty years into a marriage?

– The older you are, the less relationship you have with Valentine’s Day, and yes, it is an American tradition, but my hottest tip: Use the day for what it is worth, says Huseby.

• Don’t forget the romance. Show love and consideration, pay attention to your partner and make them feel special. I think attention in the form of a gift, flowers or a nicer dinner is something many people appreciate.
• Take the initiative. Don’t sit and wait for the other person to take the initiative. In many cases, there is probably an expectation that it is the man’s responsibility, but not always. If you have that hat in the relationship, take responsibility.
• Focus on variety. Feel free to surprise your partner with something new. One concept I recommend is “cheese and sex”. Plan a little in advance and invite the other person for “cheese and sex”. Then you know what you’re getting into. Prepare a cozy meal and set the table nicely. Cheese, good time, and good talk, and then we’ll have sex. It can be nice for those who are not so spontaneous to have a plan ready in advance.

… And this should be avoided, according to Huseby:

• Forget everyday life! Stop talking about cleaning the house and shoveling snow, and take a break from problems.
• Don’t be self-absorbed. Appreciate the other and talk about the nice things.
• Do not get excessively drunk. It applies to both twenty-year-olds and adults. Don’t ruin the evening with too much alcohol.

– If you now feel that you are a little late, you certainly don’t have to wait until next Valentine’s Day. Make a push, and drive on at any time, concludes Huseby.