Many people look forward to Christmas, but for some the red festive days are the worst of the year. According to Mental Helse, Christmas in particular is difficult.
– We see it in our chat, that it is quiet on Christmas Eve and many are active during Christmas, says communications manager Adrian Lorentsson (34) to Good Morning Norway.
Many do not feel good enough for their family
Several of those who contact the help service know of loneliness, that Christmas is a lot of stress – and not least that there are expectations to live up to.
START OF CHRISTMAS: Mental Health more increased traffic during Christmas. Photo: Bjarte Ragnhildstveit / Good Morning Norway
– If you have had challenges yourself, it can be difficult to live up to expectations experiencing that the family provides. Many families make high demands, says Lorentsson and continues:
– It can lead to the feeling of not being good or worth enough.
It is no coincidence that these feelings are reinforced especially at Christmas.
The communications manager explains this with the expectation that many things should seem perfect, such as cleaning the house, buying presents, having a Christmas spirit and showing that you are happy. Then the contrast can be great, if you think that “everyone else” is doing well.
Red days are “alarm color”
One of those who have a mixed relationship with Christmas is journalist and public debater Ingeborg Senneset (37) – who has been open about her long-standing battle with eating disorders.
For her, red days have always been an “alarm colour”.
STILL STRUGGLING: Ingeborg Senneset still thinks Christmas can be difficult. Photo: Bjarte Ragnhildstveit / Good Morning Norway
– Then something opposite to everyday life awaits. You should be more present and a kind version of yourself. It is easy to hide away in everyday life and appear “normal”, but not at Christmas, she explains.
The 37-year-old still feels strongly about this:
– I’ve gone into a “now it must be a good Christmas” mode, but it’s not like we’re a different person. We’ve got the goddamn Santa on the load, anyway. If you have anxiety in everyday life, it doesn’t disappear at Christmas – on the contrary. What you are struggling with can be floodlit.
That is exactly what Senneset believes you and those around you must be aware of. You don’t have to think that it is important to do everything to make it pleasant or to pretend that you are fine.
– Perhaps you can think that it is a holiday from treatment and then you have to be extra generous and give room to be “weird”, give room for breaks and to think that it might not be a perfect Christmas. Mone that there can be many perfect little moments, suggests the social debater.
Find an ally in the family
The communications manager in Mental Health reminds that the most important thing for many is to be with the ones you love. If you have someone in the family who is struggling extra, you should calm down, take a breath and make room for everything to be okay.
Need someone to talk to?
Mental Health’s helpline is open around the clock, every day, all year round.
Tel. 116 123.
The help chat for mentalhelseungdom.no is open several days during Christmas.
If it says about life and health, call 113.
– If you’re there in sweatpants instead of suit trousers, it’s fine. Christmas is not about freshly ironed shirts or perfect food, Lorentsson reminds.
Senneset adds that many people who struggle with anxiety, depression or loneliness often deal with their problems with alcohol, food or drugs. When things like this often appear at Christmas, it can exacerbate the problem.
– It can be nice to have an ally in the family or an agreement with a chat service, to protect yourself a little against the biggest blows, she recommends.
EATING DISORDERS: Senneset was admitted to Østmarka psychiatric hospital for two years. Photo: Private
Senneset has felt this himself with his eating disorder.
– I became very concerned with appearing normal when I was at home. No one should know, even if everyone knew. You are afraid of ruining the rest of the family. You are the black sheep and try to hide the fact that you are not healthy.
Although Senneset’s anorexia is visible, she recalls that approximately 90 per cent struggle with overeating, vomiting and are of normal weight or overweight. They tend to be invisible.
Still afraid of food
When the whole family gathers at the Christmas table, there are still battles to be fought and camels to be swallowed for Senneset.
– I am a 37-year-old who is afraid of potatoes. It feels embarrassing, shameful and pointless. But I have accepted that, and I will not take that fight at Christmas.
GREAT JOY: Small moments can be the finest, reminds Senneset. Here she is with her aunts Anna Guri (tv) and Lorense. Photo: Private
For her, it has been difficult to accept that she is still troubled, at the same time that she thinks Christmas is pleasant. It is because she has found her pack.
In the past, the 37-year-old has felt that she should be in several places at the same time and visit as many as possible during Christmas.
– Knowing where I’m going to be and making a choice about it, rather than feeling like I should be “here and there”, has calmed my anxiety a lot.
Had to take Christmas back after my brother’s death
Having someone to share Christmas with is important to most people. Nevertheless, there are many people sitting around the Christmas table with one less person than last year, or another year without the person they are happy with. That sadness can be extra big at Christmas.
Lorentsson has experienced that himself, and he lost his little brother in an accident in 2009. For him and his parents, it took a long time to find a form for Christmas.
LOST HIS BROTHER: Christmas was difficult for Adrian Lorentsson after his brother’s death. Photo: Bjarte Ragnhildstveit / Good Morning Norway
The 34-year-old spent a lot of time doing things as well as possible, but things ended up getting worse and more difficult.
– You get such high shoulders in an attempt to make things better. I experienced having depression again and again, so everything just became leaden.
– We had to recognize that this is real shit. No amount of food or decorations will bring him back.
That recognition came one Christmas, when he and his parents were ill with flu during Christmas.
– Finally mum went into the kitchen and put a frozen cod in water and boiled potatoes. We sat there in sweatpants with scarves, sniffed and ate lightly salted cod. It was the first time we laughed properly and managed to relax. Suddenly I felt like I could breathe and it was a huge relief.
