Imagine an intense erotic scene involving a woman and a man starring in your favorite TV show or movie. Both of you are likely to orgasm.
But this does not reflect reality.
Because during heterosexual sexual encounters, women have far fewer orgasms than men.
This is called the orgasm gap. And it has been documented in the scientific literature for more than 20 years.
In a study of more than 50,000 people, 95% of straight men said they usually or always orgasm when they have intimate sex, while only 65% of straight women said the same.
Research shows that some people believe that this gap is due to because women’s orgasms are biologically elusive.
However, if this were true, women’s orgasm rates would not vary depending on the circumstances.
In fact, many studies show that women have more orgasms when they are alone than with a partner.
At least 92% of women have an orgasm when they give themselves pleasure.
Women also have more orgasms when they have sex with their partner compared to casual sex.
In a study of more than 12,000 college students, only 10% of women said they orgasmed during first encounter, while 68% said they orgasmed during sex that occurs in a committed relationship.
Women also have more orgasms when they have sex with other women.
In one study, 64% of bisexual women said they usually or always orgasmed when they were sexually intimate with other women.
Why is this happening?
In all of these scenarios where women climax more, there is a Increased focus on clitoral stimulation.
Most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, which makes sense since the clitoris and penis originate from the same type of tissue.
And both the clitoris and the penis are packed with touch-sensitive nerve endings and erectile tissue.
In my work, I have asked thousands of women, “What is your most reliable route to orgasm?” Only 4% say penetration. The other 96% say clitoral stimulation, alone or combined with penetration.
The main reason for the orgasm gap, then, is that women don’t get the clitoral stimulation they need.
And cultural messages about the supremacy of sexual relations feed this. In fact, countless movies, TV shows, books, and plays portray women reaching orgasm through intercourse alone.
Popular men’s magazines also give advice on sexual positions to bring women to orgasm. And while some of the positions include clitoral stimulation, the message remains that the Intercourse is the central and most important sexual act.
The language used in these articles, and in the culture in general, reflects and perpetuates this overvaluation of sexual relationships.
We use the words “sex” and “intercourse” as if they were the same thing.. We dismiss the clitoral stimulation that comes before intercourse as “foreplay,” implying that it is a lesser form of sex.
Multiple studies have shown that such messages convey the idea that sex should proceed as follows: foreplay (only to prepare the woman for intercourse), intercourse, male orgasm, and sex over.
In this version of sex, the man’s job is to “give” the woman an orgasm by lasting a long time and pushing hard.
Not surprisingly, research finds that men feel more masculine when their partner orgasms during intercourse.
And it’s no surprise that women fake orgasms, mostly during intercourse, to protect your partner’s ego.
In fact, studies suggest that between 53% and 85% of women admit to faking an orgasm. Some research indicates that most women have faked it at least once in their lives.
bridging the gap
There is hope though, because since cultural factors are responsible for the orgasm gap, changing the way we view sex and intercourse will help improve women’s sexual experiences.
In fact, it’s important to educate people about the fact that women do not have a limited biological capacity for orgasm.
In the same way, clitoral education for men and women could be a game changer.
Even so, such knowledge alone is unlikely to close the orgasm gap on a personal level.
According to a chapter in a sex therapy textbook, women need skills to put this knowledge into practice.
This means that women should be encouraged to masturbate to learn what they want sexually.
And this must be accompanied by communication training so that they can share this information with the couple.
Women need to feel entitled to pleasure and empowered to get the same kind of stimulation alone as with a partner.
This means that heterosexual couples must ditch the old script that requires foreplay followed by intercourse, after which the sex is over.
Instead, they can take turns having orgasms using oral sex or manual stimulation where she orgasms followed by intercourse. Alternatively, women can touch themselves with their hands or a vibrator during intercourse.
Research shows that women who use vibrators have more orgasms. And because many women worry about how they look during sex or whether they’re pleasing their partner, research shows that mindfulness can help, too.
But equal orgasms are about much more than quality sex. Several women have told me that once they felt empowered in the bedroom, they had more confidence in the rest of their lives.
Importantly, according to a study, feeling entitled to pleasure increases a woman’s ability to tell her partners what she wants sexually and her ability to protect herself sexually.
In fact, the study found that feeling entitled to sexual pleasure increased women’s confidence both in refusing sexual acts they felt uncomfortable with and in using protection against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.
According to another article on sexual education and pleasure written by 2 US health researchers, when young people learn that sex should be pleasurable, they are less likely to use it in a manipulative and harmful way.
Therefore, teaching that sex is about pleasure for both partners, rather than something done to women for the pleasure of men, could also help decrease levels of sexual violence.
Clearly teaching women about pleasure will do more than increase orgasm rates.
* Laurie Mintz is professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Florida. This article originally appeared on The Conversation. You can read the English version here.
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Keep reading:
* What is the function of the female orgasm?
* How long does it take women to orgasm? Science reveals the magic number
* What orgasms can reveal about your health
