OVER in the Cotswolds, God is in his sky and Clarkson is on his tractor, in blissful thoughtful mode.
“All the adventures I’ve had in my life,” he smiles, “and I ended up doing this, and I love it and. . . ”
When we last saw Jeremy he was battered and bruised and accepting a crop that brought in a profit of just £144.[/caption]
crunch.
“Ssst. Syou!”
He collided with a telegraph pole.
And there, in one scene, you have the joy and essence of Clarkson’s Farm where, last we saw, a battered and bruised Jeremy was coming to terms with a harvest that brought in a profit of just £144.
A total that doesn’t sound like the most promising basis for a TV show but, with the possible exception of The White Lotus, Clarkson’s Farm was the most brilliant, funny and informative TV show I’ve ever seen. watched all of 2021.
You can attribute a lot of that to how he stubbornly defied all silly modern TV convention and woke up the diktat, but he also owed a lot to the supporting cast, who all returned for run two, including: Cheerful Charlie Ireland, the farm manager; and Kaleb Cooper, who plays the perfect Sybil Fawlty in Clarkson’s disaster-prone Basil.
The Fonz of the piece and my own favorite character remains “Head of security” Gerald, who, I’m rather sad to report, seems to have lost his German subtitles and is now simply accompanied by the semi-permanent caption: “Gerald keep talking indistinctly.
Breeding, however, is the one area where the range differs significantly from the first series.
Clarkson knew the narrative had to change somehow, so he replaced the sheep with cows and chickens, which raised a whole new set of questions that other presenters would just be too shy or pompous to pose, but to which it would absolutely be necessary to answer.
Why, for example, does the vet Dilwyn put his hand in this cow’s ass when she is pregnant?
How come some male cows are called “steers” or “oxen”? (“Because they don’t have bullshit”.)
And do roosters, Clarkson wanted to know, “taste delicious and nutritious too?”
“Yes, Jeremy,” Steph the chicken expert replied, quite pointedly, “You can eat dick.”
Watching eight hours of that kind of dialogue, while Clarkson finds imaginative new ways to decapitate himself, would have served me perfectly well, if I’m being honest with you.
The big twist in series two, however, is that Jeremy, while trying to open a restaurant on his farm, inadvertently sets a trap for his local “red tape factory”, the West Oxfordshire District Council, who aren’t content to enter it, they hop and frolic through its jaws, accompanied by the local Nimbys who have seen all the money, people, and happiness that Diddly Squat brings to the area and want, somewhat unnaturally, to put an end to it.
Clarkson is an unhonored prophet in his own country and the second series becomes the story of one man’s battle to make sense of them, which of course they don’t.
He ultimately loses his restaurant battle, but out of this Kafkaesque nightmare he created an incredible TV show and a very British sequel to Kevin Costner’s Field Of Dreams: If you build it, they’ll refuse planning permission.
He also did something else amazing with Clarkson’s Farm 2.
Because many other presenters, personalities and downright gobs***es have tried to unearth ‘the real England’, Channel 4’s Grayson Perry being the most recent example.
But all of them failed because it’s a surprisingly hard thing to explain, so they’re caught up in their own political biases.
By the sheer virtue of letting nature take its course and pointing the camera in the right direction, Clarkson has really captured the real England here and it’s as funny, contrary, infuriating, angry, bureaucratic, time-obsessed and beautiful as you imagine.
I just hope common sense prevails and not only does Amazon ignore outside political pressure and avoid a fate worse than Good Morning Britain, but West Oxfordshire District Council realizes its constituency will never receive a more heartfelt love letter than this that Jeremy sent them.
- Clarkson’s Farm is available on Amazon Prime.
UNEXPECTED MORONS IN THE BAGGING AREA
THE CHASE, Bradley Walsh: “Which country lies between Algeria and Libya on the North African coast?
Theo: “Pakistan”.
Tipping Point, Ben Shephard: “What Latin word meaning ‘king’ follows Lyme to give the name of a Dorset seaside town?”
Chloe: “Ladder”.
Ben Shephard: “In 2020, which Welsh singer became the first woman to have a UK Top 40 album in seven consecutive decades?”
Victoria: “Katherine Jenkins”.
Harsh.
RANDOM IRRITATIONS
THE wardrobe department of Channel 5’s The Challenge UK, an obnoxious style by Mark Wright within an inch of a personality.
The Channel 4 Comedy Awards don’t generate a single laugh all night.
Bafta shamefully overlooks the great Bernard Cribbins in its obituary segment.
And arch luvvie Julianne Moore boldly declaring, “The performer navigates the space between the real world of the film set and the imaginative realm of the story,” when I think she meant, “They just pretend to be someone else for a few hours.”
A TASTE OF HEL FOR ALI
THE good news at BBC1’s Baftas was that successful members of the fancy dress community mostly kept their political views silly and made sweetly harmless acceptance speeches.
The bad?
Richard E Grant hosted the BAFTAS with Alison Hammond[/caption]
Hosts Richard E Grant and Alison Hammond can now be added to the list of historical couples which includes Mick Fleetwood and Sam Fox and Liz Truss and Kwasi Kwarteng.
Although oddly it was Oscar-nominated actor Grant who was the bag of nerves early on, and showed all the comedic timing of a Russian drone strike on downtown Aleppo.
If he was expecting Alison to pull him out of this rubble, he could forget about it.
She has a fog horn gear (fifth) and an “I’m the center of attention” joke that has started to wear thin since TV bosses unilaterally decided the public couldn’t get enough. of the girl.
An urgent restart, you hope, will take place before the ceremony next year.
But if Bafta ever wants to repeat that experiment, she urgently needs to shed the all-too-familiar shtick that gloriously came off when she tried it out with a true legend behind the scenes.
“Are we going out tonight? Are we going to a Bafta party. . . ?”
Helen Mirren: “No.”
And if she wasn’t already a Lady, I’d start a petition.
QUIZ SHOW ANSWER OF THE MONTH
Celebrity Mastermind, Clive Myrie: “Which British author wrote the best-selling novels Kane And Abel and The Prodigal Daughter?”
Graham Bell: “Charles Dickens”.
(Break)
“Jeffrey Archer.
HAVING watched three amateurs happily annihilate Taylor Swift’s song I Knew You Were Trouble on Saturday,
New Starstruck judge Shania Twain revealed, “The last time I sat down with Taylor, we were in her kitchen and she served me a cheese plate.”
Which, by my calculations, means she now has up to four cheese plates.
LOOK-Alike OF THE WEEK
This week’s winner is middle (Steve) team member Tom Jones on Starstruck and 3-2-1 legend Ted Rogers. Emailed by Mike Brettle. Image research: Amy Reading[/caption]
GREAT SPORTING PERSPECTIVES
SEAN DYCHE: “The Merseyside derby is a great game that I had a lot of experience of but not that.”
Gary Neville: “Grealish does a karaoke move with his left leg.” Paul Merson: “The pass was accurate but too long.”
(Compiled by Graham Wray)
CELEBRITY Mastermind, Clive Myrie: “Name?”
“James O’Brien.”
“Occupation?” Bellwipe local radio. You’re ost welcome.
TV GOLD
The chilling and addictive Word series from BBC2.
The latest episode of Michael McIntyre’s Big Show edges closer to Saturday night perfection.
Tom Cullen’s sly excellent version of John Palmer making up for Jack Lowden’s poor cast, on BBC1’s The Gold.
The beautiful outpouring of love and admiration from former colleagues like Jim Rosenthal and World Of Sport viewers for the one and only Dickie Davies.
And South Park’s brilliant demolition of Meghan and Harry’s ‘World Privacy Tour’.
Eternal shame, however, on Have I Got News For You, The Last Leg and all those other British satirical shows that were just too cowardly and useless to do the job for them.
BIG TV LIES AND LIES OF THE WEEK
Love Island, Maya Jama: “I have important news.” (Ukraine has taken over the Donbass, right?)
The Comedy Awards, Grayson Perry: “Joe Lycett is always unpredictable, always remarkable, always brilliantly funny.”
The Baftas, Alison Hammond: “We have an actress, right here. Geri Halliwell.
Although at least she didn’t say “singer”, I guess.
lTV MYSTERIES OF THE WEEK
What is Katie Price’s Mucky Mansion still doing on Channel 4?
Who Convinced Steph McGovern She Was Britain’s Answer to Ellen DeGeneres?
What is Katie Price’s Mucky Mansion still doing on Channel 4?[/caption]
And why on earth does Love Island have a “talented face on screen?”
For the same reason, the Naked Attraction credits have two “wardrobe assistants” and Rangers always mention a “striker” in Champions League games I guess.
