Bremen – They still know the 90s generation of viewers of “VIVA” well: Milka Loff Fernandes (42) was one of the most famous faces of the music station at the time. Always happy, always cheeky.
But she kept a dark secret at the time: she suffered from epilepsy, depression and an eating disorder, and even tried to take her own life.
Today she has overcome all that and lives in Amsterdam with her husband and two children. At the Life and Death trade fair in Bremen, she presented her book “#self-worth – The Happiness Connection”, which is intended to show young people in particular ways to self-esteem and self-confidence.
Milka beamed for the cameras, but it looked bleak in her
BILD spoke to her about her depression, how she found her way to a happy life and how important gratitude is for a happy life.
BILD: You were just twelve years old when you first suffered from depressive symptoms. At the age of 15 she developed anorexia, later bulimia. How did that happen?
Milka Loff Fernandes: “I think a lot of things are predisposition, but certainly also the environment. I grew up as a dark-skinned child in Germany. That certainly had an impact. And then the fact that my parents are very old. After the war, their generation had other problems on their minds than the mental health of their children. And back in the ’90s, you didn’t bother with that kind of nonsense.”
Milka Loff Fernandes in conversation with BILD editor Alexander Mertens
BILD: How did your depression first manifest itself?
Fernandes: “I was on my way home from school, sitting alone at the station and my train pulled in. I suddenly had a sense of longing and felt oddly unfulfilled without knowing why. Then I realized the train wasn’t mine, and when it drove on I just thought. Shit, now even the longing is gone. That was the beginning of a very dark time.”
BILD: How did the depression show up later?
Fernandes: “The symptoms of my depression were not expressed in such a way that I was sad, but that I just didn’t care.”
BILD: When you were 16 you tried to take your own life.
Fernandes: “It was also clear that I needed help. Figuratively speaking, my life was a glass of clear water with salt on the bottom. That was stirred up in the therapies, so of course everything was murky at first. But in the meantime I’ve eaten the salt and my life is clear again, only sometimes it tastes a bit salty in between.”
This is how viewers knew and loved VIVA presenter Milka in the 90s
BILD: At first you had to deal with your depression on your own.
Fernandes: “I wouldn’t wish that on anyone and I’m happy that there are so many offers today. And many people are also willing to say: Hey, I’ve got a lot of stress to carry here, I can’t do it alone and I need support.”
BILD: You have now overcome the eating disorders and depression. How did you manage that?
Fernandes: “I think it started from the moment I started absolutely acknowledging my suffering. It was unpleasant, but after that it went uphill step by step.”
BILD: How are you today?
Fernandes: “I am very happy. Of course there are days that are a bit worse. But overall I think I’m in a healthy range.”
BILD: Because of your experiences and to help other people, you wrote the guide “#Self Worth – The Happiness Connection”. What does the book offer?
Fernandes: “I have put together 22 everyday challenges that are intended to help you find your own strengths and go through life positively.”
BILD: Do you have a challenge for us?
Fernandes: “There’s the #thank you thank you challenge. The goal is to name three things each day that you are grateful for. Gratitude for what you have is important to appreciating life as it is right now. It’s a bit like paracetamol for your own psyche.”
BILD: And? What are you thankful for?
Fernandes: “For my time, I’m just happy that I am. I’m grateful to be able to walk again after my serious skiing accident earlier this year. For my husband, who took everything off my hands when I couldn’t do anything myself because of my broken knee. And of course for my two daughters. They are great.”
BILD: Ms. Fernandes, thank you very much for the interview.
