The ball in the stomach. Then a dull anger when we see that once again, the file which was to be returned at 6 p.m. is still not there. 6:05 p.m., instant messaging: “the file, please, it’s time”. No answer. Mail at 6:10 p.m.: “the DEADLINE is exceeded, PLEASE return the file to me IMMEDIATELY”. Font 22, bold, underlined. Not better. 6:20 p.m., on the cell phone, hello to the answering machine with his grotesque voice. Bristling in Helmut Fritz mode, All those who wear the bangs à la Kate Moss. Ca m’éneeeeerve. We had said “not the physical”, but too much is too much: second email with the whole world in copy. The words followed one another with as much skill as fury, six detailed grievances. And here comes the felon, banging her stilettos. Ingenuous. “The file will not be ready, but it’s settled above you, with your boss”. Disappeared. How to concentrate on the next appointment with a nervous tension that exceeds the peaks? For Sébastien Joarlette, expert manager at Oresys, we have to pull ourselves together in order to transform this creeping hatred into a bearable compromise to work together.
The manager must ask himself
“Having the best friends at work is essential to employee engagement and career success,” the Gallup Institute said in August 2022 (“The Increasing Importance of a Best Friend at Work”), resuming his thesis developed over the years. That BFF feeling at work (best friend forever) would have even developed since the pandemic. Would he avoid nervous breakdown previously described? “I am against the grain of what Gallup thinks”, answers Sébastien Joarlette, expert in managerial transformations at Oresys. The work context is not perceived in the same way in the United States and in Europe. “In France, we are not at work to make friends,” he says. It goes further: 23% of French people are not satisfied at work, which means that they do not have a good relationship with their colleagues or their manager (“Les Français au travail”, Institut Montaigne/Kearney/Kantar Public , February 2023). If you have a problem with your manager, it’s worse when you’re just a member of the team. The solution to a bad agreement is therefore found on the side of the hierarchy: this is the first rule to dissipate the misunderstanding with a permanent employee in the company. Second step: the manager must question himself. “Are the others experiencing the same relationship problem as me or am I the only one? To what extent is this attitude detrimental to the team, to the atmosphere, to the performance of the company?” The diagnosis made makes it possible to move forward. The answer also lies in the age of the reports: an employee who has personal problems (the famous weak signals) will tend to rush his task or challenge authority. A newcomer not chosen by the chef or “parachuted” by management may also cross the red line.
Tests et feedback
For Sébastien Joarlette, the third step is to verify the personality of the “defiant” and the team by one of the three classic tests (MBTI, DISC or Process Com) in order to understand what is failing in the relationship, the expectations of on either side. “If I’m a despotic manager, maybe it’s enough to leave a little space.” Moving on to feedback is the fourth step. “It’s a gift, not a weapon of mass destruction! But it is absolutely necessary to have a courageous conversation to find a solution together, without letting things escalate”. An employee who is late may have personal organizational reasons. His deviations can give him a bad reputation. If he can’t arrive on time and it doesn’t disrupt the team, the manager won’t lose authority if he postpones the meeting. This head to head can take several aspects if we are to believe Stéphane Moriou (The power of conversations. The art of giving and receiving feedback, Dunot, March 2023). “Letting misunderstandings set in contributes to people’s unhappiness. In a world saturated with complexity, feedback adds information and reduces uncertainties… It connects people. It solidifies relationships by making them more fluid”. According to Sébastien Joarlette, feedback with the opponent is effective with the DESC method (describe – express – specify – conclude). He estimates that 90% of conflicts can be resolved in this way. Maybe not the best friends in the world, but now everything is possible.
