Berlin
Everyone defines what love is differently. We already know one form from books and films – but there are many more.
We know it from books and films – love. Who doesn’t want an epic romance or just that butterflies in your stomach? But not everyone shares this idea. Love is understood and lived differently from person to person or from culture to culture.
There is also no uniform definition of love, since there is not one true love, but several. The ancient Greeks knew this and therefore have different ones to shape of love. However, it is not about forms of relationship, but really about different types of love, which probably each of us has felt at some point. Three forms are particularly well known: Eros, Philia and Agape.
Forms of love: This is the most common form
The first form of love is probably also the most common idea of it: Eros. This form describes passionate, desiring love as well as physical attraction and eroticism, which is particularly pronounced at the beginning of a relationship. We associate feelings like weak knees, butterflies in the stomach, a fast beating heart and sweaty hands from sheer nervousness – the classics.
In Greek mythology, Eros is as god of love and desire known. When someone is in love, however, it is not spoken of Eros, but of its Roman counterpart – Cupid. Everyone knows the statement: “You were hit by Cupid’s arrow.”
The second form of love: This means Philia
As the second form of love, the ancient Greek philosophies define “Philia“. It denotes a completely different kind of love that everyone knows but may not perceive as such. Philia is the love of friendship.
Unlike Eros, we can feel Philia for everyone. This form of love unites people not because of physical attraction and desire, but because of shared qualities, Interests and beliefs. It can arise between lovers, friends, colleagues or even acquaintances.
While Eros sparks a romantic relationship, Philia sustains it. The two forms of love build on each other. Two people see each other and feel a certain physical attraction. But in the long run, pure physical attraction is not enough for a relationship. You want to spend time together – possibly your whole life – having fun and making experiences together. For that, the two people need one connection to each other that goes deeper than physicality. You need Philia.
Agape: The third form of love
Although it is called the third form, it is also the highest form of love: agape. It describes unconditional love. An affection even deeper, purer and more honest than Eros and Philia. It not only connects two hearts, but two souls.
It’s not about sensuality or commonalities – agape isn’t tied to any such conditions, it is expectation free. In religion it is found in the love of believers for their God. In this context, love for one’s neighbor and love for one’s enemies is also part of it.
But this form of love also manifests itself differently among people: In a romantic relationship, agape means that the partners accept each other completely, support each other and give everything for each other without insisting on anything in return. This form of love is selfless.
Partnership: what kind of love does a couple need?
The answer to this is simple and complicated at the same time: a partnership needs all three forms of love. Eros marks the beginning of a relationship. Philia creates a profound connection between two people on an emotional level. But agape unites two souls, it creates a connection on a spiritual level. All three forms are therefore also called trinity denoted by love.
Other forms of love
However, the Greeks did not only discover eros, philia and agape as forms of love. There are more dimensions:
| storage |
family love |
This form of love denotes the natural and instinctive love that people feel towards one another. The love between parents and children is an example of this. Trust and solidarity characterize Storge. |
| ludus |
playful love |
As the name suggests, Ludus focuses on having fun. This form of love is noncommittal, flirty and sometimes prevalent at the beginning of a relationship. However, ludus also exist in long-term relationships if everyone involved agrees to it. We know it as “friends with benefits”, “friendship plus” or “F+”. |
| pragma |
pragmatic love |
Instead of being passionate, this form of love focuses on rationality. The social, societal and personal compatibility of the partners is important here. It sounds unromantic, but the “practical” aspect can complement a relationship. |
| Philautia |
self love |
The relevance of this form of love is often underestimated. But loving yourself should always come first for everyone. This is not to be confused with narcissism. Only those who love themselves can also love their neighbors. |
| mania |
obsessive love |
Be careful with this form of love. Mania focuses on the partner. This is perfectly normal in the beginning of a relationship, but it shouldn’t become an obsession. Then love is usually characterized by biting behavior and jealousy, which is why it has a destructive effect in relationships. |
All Hollywood fans and hopeless romantics shouldn’t be disappointed. It’s not the one true form of love in their imagination, but it’s a kind of love nonetheless. Eros plays an important role in a budding love. Passion, physical attraction and eroticism are what initially nourish the relationship before other qualities come to the fore. The search or the desire for Eros has its importance.
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